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Ever hear of the Scorpion and the Frog?
Beware of Scorpions! Drawing by Carolyn BulgerA scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion, in a charming manner, asks the frog to carry him across on its back.
The frog is familiar with the scorpion’s dubious reputation and replies, “But you’re a scorpion. How do I know you won’t sting me?”
The scorpion answers, “Well my good frog, I can’t swim. If I was foolish enough to sting you, I would surely drown.”
Satisfied with that answer, the kindly frog allows the scorpion to climb on his back. They set out across the stream.
In midstream, the scorpion cannot resist temptation and stings the frog.
The frog quickly feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink. Knowing they both will drown, the frog gasps “Why?”
The scorpion snarls back, “Stupid frog. I’m a scorpion. It’s in my nature… “
There are different versions of this story. There’s one where the scorpion adds with an evil smile “By the way frog… I CAN swim.”
The point of that story is some people have a toxic nature and are very capable of hostile or self-destructive behavior.
Beware of scorpions.
In Drama Queen Parts I and II, I’ve covered Personal Drama and the Expressive Profile. Now I’ll reveal the extreme version of dramatic behavior…
Toxic drama is potentially harmful.The person behind you leans hard on their horn and then lets loose with a barrage of obscenities as they change lanes and roar past you.
What just happened? How could anyone flip a switch and display such extreme road-rage? Such Toxic Drama?
Being inside a vehicle has something to do with it. People feel a sense of invulnerability, power and control while driving. Also, our roadways represent an Arena of Performance where people are already more intense and edgy. People have their “game-face” on whenever they’re driving. All that leads to Road Rage.
Road-rage or not, why do some people act like they’ve just been handed a free ticket to be toxic?
It’s about breaking unwritten rules. When you get hit with a blast of toxic venom, in the other person’s mind you’ve broken some sort of rule and now they believe they’re allowed to attack you without mercy. Your perceived indiscretion is punished with a venomous outburst or even physical assault.
It’s disturbing that some people still abide by the ancient philosophy of revenge – “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.”
The medical term for this is Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) and according to Wikipedia’s definition is characterized by “extreme expressions of anger, often to the point of uncontrollable rage, that are disproportionate to the situation at hand.”
Such a toxic response is often drastically more severe than the instigating event. Along the lines of, “You accidentally stepped on my toe, and now I’m going to gouge out your eye!”
I’m exaggerating, but you get my point.
It’s disturbing that some people still abide by the ancient philosophy of revenge – “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.”
Couple that revenge philosophy with a tendency to disconnect from emotional responsibility, and you’ve got a powder keg ready to blow.
By the way, 2 sets of rules exist for these people. The easy, flexible rules they set for themselves and the harsh, firm rules they hold everyone else to.
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The Insult may be something interpreted as a personal attack, or it may just be someone breaking their perceived rules of conduct as in the case of not noticing that green light.
Forget about the calm eye, these people are the storm.
Are you easily insulted? People who grow up amidst violence tend to see the world as violent and flee or fight back at the drop of a hat.
The Upset is the reaction to the insult. This is where your inclination to emphasize and express Personal Drama comes into play.
It’s been said that you can measure the size of a person by what it takes to make them upset. It takes a lot to provoke some people. They can remain the calm eye at the center of the storm.
Then there’s those who are very sensitive and emotionally volatile. It might take very little provocation to get them upset. Forget about the calm eye, these people are the storm.
There are huge differences form culture to culture. Some cultures are serious and stoic, others are seen as passionate and volatile.
Toxic people may seem friendly enough, but like scorpions, it’s in their nature to attack.
The Drama Step is “payback time” where theatrics are displayed, revenge is given, and punishment is delivered.
People inclined to toxic rage will make the jump from the Insult step to the Drama in a heartbeat. There’s no pause for reflection. They’re combat-veterans and if provoked, they’ll pull out their claws and rip you to shreds.
Toxic people may seem friendly enough, but like scorpions, it’s in their nature to attack.
Alcohol has been known to set off toxic drama. People lose their inhibitions and self-control.
Passive-Aggressive behavior can also lead to episodes of rage. Passive people can usually take a lot, but once they finally blow their top, their emotions overwhelm them and the drama can be extreme.
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This can be a dangerous viewpoint, especially when collectively shared. It only takes two people in righteous agreement to create a mob mentality. Once that mentality takes hold, there’s a collective madness that ensues – a crowd hysteria that can lead to uncharacteristically violent behavior.
Last Canada Day weekend, I was at the Toronto Ribfest doing my annual volunteer work of serving beer for our Rotary Club. It was Friday night, some time past 10, and we were closing up after serving the last round. Two guys showed up late wanting some beer. They had driven from some distance to get there.
They were told “No” and to come back again the next day. They were disappointed and tried persuading us to serve them. After repeatedly hearing “No” they changed tactics. These two didn’t like the manner in which they were told and worked themselves up into a collective frenzy. Each one feeding off the others indignation over the situation. A clear case of “Bar Rage” except these two hadn’t even had anything to drink.
Some people, believing they hold the righteous side, will act swiftly and viciously.
Fortunately there was no violence, only a brief verbal barrage. I probably wouldn’t have taken much notice of them, accept I happened to have started writing this at the time.
In a mob, there can be rapid escalation of collective indignation as fuel is rapidly added to the fire. Anger feeds on anger. There’s also a sense of raw power within a mob that reduces vulnerability and inhibitions.
It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of the mob and feel that rush of power. People in mobs stop making personal choices about their actions and behavior. They’ll start following the loudest, angriest voice in the crowd.
Such mob mentality has led to horrific crimes and genocidal acts.
Once people believe they hold the righteous side, they’ll tend to act swiftly and viciously. If their target counter-attacks with equal ferocity, now you’ve got a war and things can turn ugly in a hurry.
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Justifying Toxic Drama requires something called Emotional Transference. That’s where your upsets and actions are perceived as entirely the responsibility of someone else.
Drama is a choice, and you own that choice.
Case in point – Mel Gibson with that recorded phone call to his ex-girlfriend. He went into a toxic rage over her breast implants and how she dressed provocatively. His ability to blame his rage on her was astounding.
It’s all part of the Blame Game people play. As in “My anger is all your fault.” Once you can deny responsibility for your outbursts, you’re free to indulge in intoxicating rage.
You’ve granted yourself a free ticket to be toxic.
Remember those 4 Steps of Emotional Response that I covered back in Drama Queen Part I? The last step - Owning Your Emotions – is completely ignored when someone engages in Toxic Drama.
Drama is a choice, and you own that choice. Once you finally realize you OWN your upsets, you forfeit the perceived right to make those mouth-frothing rants and acts of Toxic Drama. You also forfeit the right to be swept up in a mob.
Do you know anyone that displays extreme volatility, engages in Emotional Transference and has a tendency to indulge in Toxic Drama?
Beware of these scorpions.
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In previous posts you’ve learned about Personal Drama, the Expressive Personality Profile. Now you know about Toxic Drama.
Why do I drag all this drama stuff up? Drama is very relevant to the dental world. Recognizing and diffusing drama are vital skills for a dentist. Building a winning team involves getting everyone past the Drama Habit. Building a terrific customer experience involves helping patients avoid drama and get past their old stories.
Next post I’ll delve into the fantasy realm of the Drama Triangle. A place where evil ogres terrorize poor helpless damsels and battle heroic knights.
Stay healthy and keep smiling!
Dr. Joe 
About the Author: Dr. Joe Bulger is a West Toronto dentist. He’s also the owner-founder of Royal York Dental – a respected dental clinic serving Etobicoke since 1950.
If you would like to learn more about your dental options, fill out our contact form or CALL 416 231-0550 for a FREE & Easy No-Obligation First Visit.
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